I want to look deep
into the heart of Jesus,
and get lost in it.
But I must journey through
the Garden of Gethsemane,
so that I may
journey to the Garden of His Abundance.
I see Him in Gethsemane,
and His agony in spirit
that He endured.
Let me see His heart -
His heart that resigned,
to the will of God for me.
Lift me up to see
what you saw that night.
The pain and suffering
You would endure -
and chose to endure anyway.
Just as Jesus looked
deep into His own heart,
so must I.
I must look deep within
my thoughts and motives,
my loves and hates.
May I resign to do your will
as you resigned to do the Father’s will.
I want to look deep
into the heart of Jesus
and get lost it.
But I must journey through The Garden of Gethsemane – so that I may journey to the Garden of His Abundance.
Continued from last week…
Me: I will do this…I will do this now. I will use this entrance out of the desert…Jesus, open my eyes to see and understand your heart…
Friend: Jesus wants to bring you out of the desert to His Garden of Abundance, He wants you to peer deep into His heart, and get lost in it…
Me: That’s what I want! I want to go deep into the heart of Jesus…I have got to get out of this desert. let me get lost in it!
Friend: Then we must first journey with Him in the Garden of Gethsemane.
“He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed,” Lk22:41
Me: I see Him. He is so alone.
Friend: To journey through the Garden of Gethsemane is a journey that is alone. Only then may we see what is deep in our hearts.
Me: I feel so alone. I don’t like this feeling, I don’t want this feeling…
Friend: In order to look deep into His Heart, we must open our hearts. Just as two people need to open their hearts to each other, in order to know one another – the only way to know the heart of Jesus is to open our heart to Him.
Me: I see His struggle.
“…he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matt. 26:39
Friend: Jesus has fully opened His heart to the Father, and Jesus fully poured out His Heart to the Father – you must do the same.
Me: I will try, I mean I want to…my heart is so hard I don’t feel there is anything to open.
Friend: Jesus will pour out the mercy and grace of Gethsemane for your heart.
Me; I need this grace! My heart seems so hardened and cold, I seem so distant from Him as He is praying. Please dear Jesus, touch this heart, this weak and hardened heart…
Friend: You must forgive.
Me: What? What are you talking about?
Friend: You must forgive!
Me: Forgive who?
Friend: Only you would know. Look deep within your heart.
Me: I am sure that I have pretty much forgiven whoever…
Friend: There is something that you are holding back – something that you are withholding from Him.
Me: What are you talking about?
Friend: Do you deny it?
“And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.” Luke22:34
Me: No. How can I deny anything as I see Him praying with such grief of heart. He knows what He is about to face, and I know it is because of me.
Friend: And the reason He wants you to open your heart is because of His love for you. You will never be able to open your heart unless you forgive.
Me: I know there is that thing inside of my heart, it seems so deep, I don’t know if I am able to find it. I don’t know if I want to find it.
It seems that there is a door, but the key is lost – I am unable to open it – I am convinced I don’t want to open it.
Friend: Why do you think you don’t want to open that part of your heart?
Me: I don’t know, but it seems shrouded in fear, I seem to be almost terrified to open it up.
Friend: What are you afraid of?
Me; I don’t know! Maybe I am afraid of reliving the hurts that others have caused me, or maybe I am afraid there are those who I don’t want to forgive.
Sometimes it is too painful to face the fact that someone could hurt you so deeply. You almost take solace in the fact that you hold something over them, by not forgiving them.
He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” Matt 26:42
Friend: Those who you don’t want to forgive? Who are they?
Me: I don’t know.
Friend: Are you sure?
Me: I said, I don’t know!
Friend: Would you like me to give you a little time alone…
Me: No, No. Please, I don’t want to be alone. I’m sorry. I will try, I want to open my heart, but I need help.
Jesus, help me to open my heart to you! I don’t want to have this pain, this fear, this weight inside of me.
I see you alone and in agony before the Father – please help me in my agony!
Friend: Please – you must forgive.
Me: I know, I know. But there are those…the hurt is so deep, I guess I don’t want to forgive them.
Friend: You don’t want to forgive them?
Me: I guess I still want this anger toward them – I don’t want to let it go. They don’t deserve forgiveness, you have no idea what they have done to me. It almost makes me feel good to be angry at them – they deserve it!
Friend: So you don’t want Jesus to forgive you?
Me: What are you talking about?
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” Matt 26:41
Friend: How many times have you hurt Him? Do you deserve to have Jesus forgive you?
Do you remember how many times He forgave you? Maybe we should go through all those times…
Me: No, no. Let’s not do that. I know you are right, I do not deserve His mercy and love.
But I need help! My heart is so heavy, it seems impossible for me to open my heart and let go.
Friend: Let go, and give your heart to Him.
“…and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing” Matt 26:44
Me: Jesus! I give you my heart, I am unable to bear it any longer, I am unable to carry it any longer.
I cannot open this heart on my own, I seem to have lost the key, and it seems the door is too heavy.
I lift my heart, it is too heavy for me to lift it up very high – You must do the rest.
It is done: I have let go.
Friend: Forgive, my dear friend.
Me: I forgive…I see their faces…I forgive. I let go of the anger, I cannot see Jesus alone in Gethsemane in His agony, and hold on to this anger anymore.
I forgive, I didn’t realize there were so many, I forgive. I weight is lifting, I forgive.
Friend: You are still holding back.
Me: I know. I now realize that I have hated them for so long, without even knowing it. Hate that I never knew was there. I now see that this hate was the great weight inside of me.
Friend: Were they your enemies?
Me: No, the opposite. They were my friends. You expect your enemies to do you harm, that’s a given.
It’s the ones who are close to you, the ones you trust; they are the ones who hurt you the most.
Those are the ones, aren’t they? The ones deep inside my heart, the ones who have hurt me the most – Jesus help me to let go!
I FORGIVE! I LET GO! I WILL HATE THEM NO MORE!
The weight is lifting…
Friend: Now you must pray for them. This will free you from destructive feelings, and this will begin the healing in your heart.
By praying for them you become an agent of healing.
Me: How must I pray for those who hurt others so easily?
Friend: By praying the same way Jesus is praying now: unselfishly pray that they may see the Father’s love and open their hearts.
Do you remember Job? The Father brought him out of His desert. He also prayed for those who caused great pain in his heart.
Me: To forgive is one thing; to pray for them is another!
Friend: “I want to look deep into the heart of Jesus, and get lost it.” Is this your prayer?
Please, look at Him pouring out His heart to the Father, see Him in His agony – watch Him resign to the will of the Father because of His love for you. If you get lost in the heart of Jesus, you will be overwhelmed in His mercy and love.
Me: I will not fight it anymore. I will pray for them.
Dear Father, I pray for them. I pray they may see your great love as I see your Son in the Garden of Gethsemane giving His heart to You, to do your will.
May they surrender to your will, and may they find your love and peace, so that they may turn away from those things that will destroy them.
I surrender to your will, I surrender my heart.
I want to look deep
into the heart of Jesus,
and get lost it.
To be continued…
