Jim Blazsik
Let’s face it guys – gals want to talk!
Let’s face it guys – gals want to talk! Communication is one of the top issues among couples today, and yes, we are singled out as the top problem in this area. We poor guys really do get a bad rap. We are expected to be genuinely attentive, emotionally sincere, in tune with our feelings, and communicate – while we are watching football! How can this be? How can anyone expect this from a mere human being?
Have you ever been in a situation when the game is on, and the little lady is in this deep discussion about something – and then asks you a question, with you having no idea what she was talking about?
Remembering back years ago as a young family, Leona was at home with two small children. And on top of that, they were energetic boys. Boys! At times, they were the only ones she would talk to all day. She watched the news and Christian programming, and was ready to talk issues; and if she was ticked off about some type of injustice somewhere, oh baby! When I came home from work she was ready to talk. I have been at work all day. I have talked to more people than I care to; and I was ready to come home, eat dinner, and relax…
Leona: Did you hear that they are trying to take the Ten Commandments out of the Public Schools?
Jim: Me want food!
Leona: I can’t believe what they are doing to that poor lady down in Florida.
Jim: Me want meat!
Leona: Jim, Did you know that organization receives federal funds?
Jim: Me like meat! Remote!
Leona: I saw a ministry that is doing a lot of good, I think we should help them.
Jim: Me watch football!
Leona: Could you play with the kids while I finish dinner?
Jim: Fumble!
Leona: Jim, are you listening to me?
Jim: Touchdown pass! That’s good.
Leona: JIM! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?
Jim: Of course honey, I heard every word you said.
Look at Jim to the left. Scary, uh? This is Jim when he is hungry. Jim needs food. Leona needs to throw food at Jim. Look at Jim to the right. 
Admittedly, still scary. But notice Jim is happy. Why? Leona threw food at Jim. Jim ate his food. And now, Jim can listen to Leona.
Leona and I came to a compromise: She recognized that I was a Hungarian beast until I ate food (great quantities of food!) and relaxed a little bit. I realized that after a little time of food and rest, I needed to have alone time with Leona, and let her talk about whatever she wanted to – and I would actually listen.
I recommend not having the game on during this time.
I think another issue in communication with guys and gals is, well, we are different from each other! I found out that after 30 years of being married to Leona, she looks at things differently than me.
There is the usual stuff when you first get married, like she doesn’t care about squeezing the tube of toothpaste from the middle (I’m serious, she really doesn’t care!), and she doesn’t care which direction the toilet paper should roll out (these are things that drive me crazy). But we have learned to compromise – she squeezes the toothpaste from the middle, and I get my way with the toilet paper.
The same thing is true, in solving a big problem standing in our path. I quickly run through the scenarios, put a plan of action together, and to me the problem is solved. I’m done, let’s get on with life. Isn’t there a game on? Not so with Leona. She has to talk about it. I mean she has to talk through it. I just couldn’t understand her. I had it already figured out, why do we still need to talk about this stuff?
Then I heard a Christian psychologist on the radio. It was one of those times when the light bulb came on. Ah, I finally learned the difference between guys and gals in solving problems! Guys, we like to figure things out rationally, and solve problems like, right now. Gals need to solve issues intuitively, so that it feels right, and that means you need to talk it through. (Now I realize that this is not true with all people, in all cases, at all the times – but it sure helped me with Leona!).
It was a liberating experience. I was beginning to understand my wife. So I learned to still quickly solve the problem; but then I would sit back, put my feet up, and listen to Leona “work it through,” until it felt right. Then I learned a valuable lesson: because of Leona intuitively working it through – either my idea became a whole lot better, or she had a better one.
I know there is a game on some channel somewhere, but my advice is not to have it on during this time.
In our communications with each other, I have learned that what works at the job, doesn’t necessarily work at home. A little over 20 year ago I was just promoted to a District Manager of a national jewelry chain. I felt pretty confident about my management skills, and to be honest, a little full of myself.
There was this junk drawer in the kitchen. Come to think of it, we have always had a junk drawer, and it was always in the kitchen. The junk drawer pretty much had what you needed to get something done, or if you needed a whatyoumaycallit. The only thing was, it took forever to find anything in it.
I decided to use my management skills with Leona, to change this situation about the junk drawer. Good, she’s in the kitchen – watch me work!
Jim: Hi, Honey.
Leona: Hi, Hunky.
Jim: You know what, sometimes it’s impossible to find anything in that junk drawer. (I’m presenting the need).
Leona: I guess so.
Jim: Wouldn’t it be cool if the drawer was organized, so that we could easily find things? (I’m creating a benefit).
Leona: Well, you know what will happen. After the boys get into it, and come to think about it, after you get into it – it would get disorganized in a day.
Jim: We shouldn’t let circumstances stop us from expecting the best! (Over coming objections).
Leona: Jim, we are talking about a junk drawer. It’s always been that way.
Jim: But it could be so much more than a junk drawer. (I’m setting higher expectations).
Leona: Jim, it’s a drawer with junk. What are you talking about?
Jim: I’m talking about a place, where we can go and access resources to get a particular job done. (I am giving a feature).
Leona: That’s what it is now. You use it all the time.
Jim: I’m talking about a resource to find something quickly, to save time. (I am giving another benefit).
Leona: You would have to straighten it out everyday. I would spend wasted time worrying over a junk drawer.
(And then, I deliver the cu de tat, the ultimate objection over comer, just at the perfect time).
Jim: Honey, you can let the situation manage you, or you can manage the situation!
Leona: Ok, if that’s what you want…
(It’s working! Leona bought into it. I’ll write a book about management skills at home! She’ll start organizing that drawer…)
Leona: You take care of the drawer, and I’ll go finish the laundry. Oh, by the way Hunky, could you help the boys with their homework, after your done with the junk drawer? Thank you!
You see, there was this junk drawer in the kitchen…man…there has got to be a game on!
I learned to be real, and understood that my relationship with my wife was not defined by my job – my relationship was defined by the love we had together. And the key to accessing that love – was communication. To take a step, to actually reach out to each other in the use of words, to share what is in the heart and mind. To respect each others opinion, and guard each others dignity. Two unique people, dedicated to one unique relationship – blessed by our Father in Heaven, through His Son Jesus, and by the Holy Spirit.
Let me leave you with this simple little piece:
Love simply. Serve each other in joy and patience. There is far too much talk about relationships. You were created to serve, dear apostles. Serve.
Do not keep scoreboards of who is serving the most or who is serving the best.
You have only to account for yourself, so why do you concern yourself so often with the lack of service in others? Set an example of consistent service and you will find that others fall into line with you and improve.
Love each other as Jesus loves you. Jesus forgives and forgets.
Jesus does not wait to catch you at a bad moment when you are not doing your best when you are discouraged. Jesus encourages you and overlooks your flaws. Do this for others, most particularly the souls who are called to walk through your life with you. No judging, my friends. Judging is for Jesus. Put the best possible light on others and expect the best from them and you will not be disappointed.
Love passionately in that if you are called to walk with someone, be loyal to them as Jesus is loyal to you. Look for ways to make them feel cherished and appreciated. Small acts of kindness can change someone’s life.
Heaven is promising the greatest graces for this time. Heaven speaks the truth, always, and will deliver these graces. Ask for great graces for each soul in your life, particularly that soul that is annoying you or the soul that you feel is failing you in some way. Ask heaven to surround them with grace and then love them.
~ St. Padre Pio ~
© Jim Blazsik 2009 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
